It’s been a little more than 6 months since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. For the most part he is a distant memory, but once in a while things happen that make his ghost appear. Like when I made a vet appointment for my new puppy. They asked me if I was bringing in my other dog (the one that the ex got to keep). The receptionist didn’t understand why Matt should be the contact for Buddy, and why I was the contact for Lucy… and why we had two different address. I had to tell her the whole ugly story. While I’m sure she was embarrassed for asking, I hate digging up the past.
Over the weekend, an old friend came to visit. My friend Ellen and I refer to him as Voldemort, for “he who shall not be named.” Long story short, I went to college with Ellen, who grew up with Voldemort and Mr. Current. It is through her that I know everyone. And once upon a time Ellen, Voldemort, Mr. Current, the ex, and myself, all used to hang out. AWKWARD! To make matters worse, Voldemort hasn’t seen me since I broke up with the ex and started dating Mr. Current. So naturally, it was one of the first things he brought up!
I was holding hands with my new beau, talking to my old friend when he suddenly blurts it. “So what happened between you and Matt? Did you get married?” WHAT!? Obviously I’m currently dating one of your best friends… so no, I did not get married. In fact, that was a big reason why we broke up. And then Mr. Current jumps into the conversation by saying “Well, them not getting married wasn’t the only reason they broke up.” Oh. My. God. Are we really having this conversation!? Now I know how Sookie Stackhouse feels. There I was talking to Sam about Bill, in front of Eric. [I give you props Ms. Stackhouse. It’s complicated enough when everyone is human. I don’t know how you deal when everyone is a vampire, or a werewolf, and always trying to kill you. For reals.]
I knew it was inevitable. Most of the conversation involved the ex to some degree, because he was a part of my life the last time all of us hung out. And I hate that! I realize that after 5 years, people begin to think of you as a part of a “supercouple” like Brangelina. But Mattrica, we are not. It’s just Erica now, and I want people to know that.
I understand it will take time for those memories to fade, and for old friends to come to terms with it, but I hate that his ghost lingers. I hate the fact that my new life is still linked to my old one. I don’t regret anything that has happened in my life, because it’s only made me a better person. But sometimes I wish the past would just disappear. I guess only time can make that happen.
There should be a how-to guide for men. One that expresses what you look for in a mate, down to the little details. In my opinion, it should be a video and feature clips from my favorite sappy movies. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it brainwashing, but to each her own.
My how-to guide would feature…
The dance scene from “The Notebook” View Clip Yes, Ryan Gosling (aka Noah) is gorgeous. But the fact that he asked Allie (Rachel McAdams) to spontaneously dance in the middle of the street with no music is just so freaking romantic. I swoon every time he spins her around and kisses her forehead.
The phone scene from “Elizabethtown” View Clip 1 │ View Clip 2 One of my favorite things are those late night conversations with a crush, and this scene is one of my favorites. Drew (Orlando Bloom) and Claire (Kirsten Dunst) talk on the phone for hours about the most ridiculous things, while doing mundane activities like shaving your legs and taking a bath. Then when they’re finally ready to say goodnight, they decide to drive and meet each other half-way to watch the sunrise.
The love scene from “The Recruit” View Clip Oh Colin Farrell, how I love thee! You are one sexy beast, and I would do just about anything to have a scene like this with a man. He knows how to turn on the passion, and take charge of the situation at hand. And in the morning, he makes breakfast!
Leo in “The Vow” View Clip Any time Paige (Rachel McAdams) gets frustrated that her memory is not coming back, Leo (Channing Tatum) knows exactly what to say or do. If she’s crying, he makes her laugh. If she’s angry, he gives her space. He’s the perfect amount of comfort and charm. I love a guy that can make me laugh when I’m upset.
Joe Fox in “You’ve Got Mail” View Clip Tom Hanks (aka Joe Fox) in his entirety is lovely in this film. He’s witty, he’s charming, he loves children who happen to be his aunt and brother. He’s downright adorable! So of course I always curse Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan) for rejecting him after he utters the sweetest words. “I would have asked for your number, and I wouldn’t have been able to wait 24 hours before calling you and saying ‘Hey, how about some coffee? Or, you know… drinks, or dinner, or a movie… for as long as we both shall live?’” Tear… I adore you NY152!
Carl & Ellie’s love story from “Up” View Clip Damned if I don’t cry every single time I watch the beginning of “Up!” I want to grow old with someone, and still act like a kid. Sigh…
I’m having the weirdest of weird days! I am an emotional roller coaster, and I have no idea what my problem is. My day went something like this…
5:15 am - The pup wakes me up, and though I have every intention of running this morning, I climb back into my comfy bed while I hold her rope and play/fall back asleep.
7:15 am - Run out the door, cursing myself for not making a lunch.
11:30 am - Go out to eat with my co-workers. So glad I forgot to make my lunch! I AM STARVING!!! MUST EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!!! Seriously, where is the waitress with my side salad and big ass burger!?
3:37 pm - I suck as a Graphic Designer! I keep making stupid, idiotic mistakes, that I usually ridicule other people for. I give up! What’s new on Pinterest?
6:45 pm - I have been in the stuck in traffic for nearly 2 hours. I think I may go insane! Why aren’t you people moving!? Wait… Is that car on fire!? I can’t tell because it’s on the other side of the highway, which has no traffic whatsoever. Let me slow down to take a closer look…
7:30 pm - I am beyond brain dead. All I want to do is stuff my face, watch Jerseylicious, and fall asleep. Thank goodness my puppy is exhausted from playing with my mom all day!
8:23 pm - Why won’t my puppy play with me!? I’ve had a crappy day (though nothing really bad happened) and all I want to do is play with my puppy! [sobs] Why am I still living with my parents!? [sobs some more] Why am I so fat? And poor!? [sobs even more] Whhhhhyyyyy!?!?!?!?
9:56 pm - Time to take my birth control and realize I am mid month. Not even close to my cycle! I am officially crazy.
Someone please explain to me why people feel the need to place a stick figure of their family members on the back of their cars. I don’t get it! Yes I am single (so my family would consist of me and my dog) and some of that may be said out of bitterness. But seriously, I don’t get it!
Do you feel the need to share your procreation skills with the world? Congratulations, your plumbing works! Little Susie makes an adorable ballerina, and little Scott can really swing a baseball bat… at least that’s what the pedophile driving behind you is thinking. And now he knows your children’s names! Think about it.
She was the one that I’d wanted for all times, and each night I’d spend prayin’ that God would make her mine. And if he’d only grant me this wish I wished back then, I’d never ask for anything again.
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs, that just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
Mr. Current and I are getting closer, and I am falling deeper. We even exchanged “I love you”s. And the best part is, he didn’t take it back like my ex-boyfriend did! [I’m dead serious.]
Yes, I am in love. Bang the gong and commence the celebratory parade! He is everything I have ever wanted in a man. He is kind, generous, and a true gentleman. I consider myself to be a very lucky woman. I feel like I’ve won a prize in life. An achievement if you will. And in honor of this award, I would like to give an acceptance speech. Here goes…
Thank you, Taylor (snare drum of my middle school band) for laughing behind my back when I expressed that I had a crush on you in 8th grade. You taught me to never take dating-life too seriously.
Thank you, Daniel (my first real boyfriend in high school) for ignoring my calls and losing interest after Homecoming. I cried over you for weeks, and it taught me that no man is worth it if he makes you cry.
Thank you, Jacob (my first serious boyfriend in college) for breaking up with me because I was too emotional. You were right, I was WAY too emotional! So I got on the pill and got my hormones in check. Best thing I ever did.
Thank you, Jeremy (my first FIRST) for cheating on me with your best friend’s girlfriend one week before my 21st birthday. You taught me that it’s ok to lean on your friends, because they will always be there for you. Especially when your boyfriend thinks with the wrong head and acts like a complete ass right before your birthday!
Thank you, Obediah (my first rebound) for sleeping with me and then telling me you’re going on a date with your ex-girlfriend and couldn’t be reached because “the cell reception here sucks.” You taught me that: 1) I should never give it up so quickly and 2) that sometimes you just need someone new to get over someone old.
Thank you, Matt (my longest relationship) for turning into a lazy bum after 5 years. For always making an excuse to not spend time with me, or the things that were important to me. You taught me the biggest lesson of all… learn when it’s time to go. You cannot hang on the glimmer of hope that things will get better. Eventually your arms get tired, and you have to let yourself fall.
Thank you to all of the previously mentioned for returning to my life at one point or another, to beg for forgiveness and tell me how amazing I am. You’re right, I am amazing! And I have a lot to offer to someone who deserves it.
Thank you for being such a jerk. It made me appreciate a good man. Thank you for every single tear I shed over you. It made me stronger. I am so grateful that it never worked out between us. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
